5 Crucial Factors to Consider Before Ending A Marriage
TrevisMichelle
Are you contemplating divorce, or do you find yourself leaning in that direction? Before you make that decision or mention it to your partner, let's delve into some crucial aspects you should ponder.
Divorce isn't a decision to be taken lightly, and understanding its various implications is essential. How you divorce could either take a toll on you or leave you feeling refreshed and renewed.
DISCLAIMER: While none of this is legal advice, I’ll show you some strategies for getting a divorce so you can maneuver them.
Financial Implications
One of the foremost concerns when heading for divorce is the financial aspect. Your accustomed lifestyle is likely to undergo a substantial change. This change can be for the better, particularly if you were the primary breadwinner. However, it's crucial to consider factors such as alimony, child support, and attorney fees.
Also, divorce attorneys bill by the hour. As personal and emotional as your divorce experience may be, their primary focus is the legal process and not your emotional needs.
It will be important to research if your state is a 50-50 property state. If you live in Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, or Wisconsin, everything may be divided straight down the middle unless you have a prenuptial agreement.
In some states,
divorce proceedings take a year, and legal fees can range anywhere from $250 to $2,000 per hour. Those figures depend mostly on your state and the complexities of your divorce (property, children, etc.).
Every consultation or question translates to additional hours.
Property Matters
Divorce also raises questions about property or real estate ownership and responsibilities. If you own a house, timeshare, or car, along with other property (furniture, jewelry, etc.) you will need to determine what you want to keep.
For example, the impact of losing access to a vehicle during a divorce can be significant.
Be mindful that pets can also become a point of contention during divorce proceedings. Emotional attachment to animals can make deciding on pet custody a complex and emotional process.
Health Insurance and Therapy
With everything going on today, COVID-19, mental health issues, and maintenance medication, for example, it is important to consider the financial aspect of health insurance and the role it plays in your life. In many states, you cannot remove your partner from your job’s health insurance plan until the divorce is finalized.
Understanding Your State's Laws
Every state has specific laws pertaining to divorce. Some states are 50/50 states, while others will base their decision on who makes the most money, and how long they have worked, among other factors.
This can be significant and play a pivotal role in the divorce proceedings and possible outcomes. In some states, a year-long legal separation is required before proceeding with a divorce and then you must remember to file for the final divorce.
Familiarize yourself with the laws in your state and assess your financial resources before hiring an attorney.
To Divorce or Not to Divorce
Before vocalizing your desire for a divorce, take a moment to reflect. Consider your reasons for getting married and the positive aspects of your relationship. Conversely, examine the issues that trouble you. Divorce is a complex, emotionally charged process that should not be taken lightly.
Keep in mind that your words carry significant weight. Once you express the desire for a divorce, it causes hurt feelings, anger, and anxiety as well as instilling insecurity and mistrust in your partner.
Remember, once you say the word Divorce, you cannot take those words back.
Weigh the pros and cons of your marriage, consider why you got married, and then question the reasons you want a divorce. While mutual divorces can be smooth and rare, most divorces are contested and complicated.
Next Steps: Work with TrevisMichelle
If you decide that divorce is the path you must take or you want to explore your options, consider scheduling a Divorce Strategy Session call with me, TrevisMichelle, the Divorce Strategist.
My personal experience with a contentious three-year-long divorce process, and three different attorneys, has motivated me to help others navigate this challenging journey saving you time, saving money while maintaining your sanity.
TrevisMichelle is here to empower you and give you the tools needed to build resilience and confidence to move forward with your life and thrive after divorce.
To explore your options and develop a strategy, save this post to get more information coming soon.
“Too much for some, not enough for others, but always just right for me.” - TrevisMichelle
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Let me tell you something real: I looked good. I mean GOOD. The outfit? On point. The energy? Sky high. The lashes? Lashing. But you know what else was real? The way I came home and laid out on that couch like I had just run a triathlon in a pair of stilettos. Listen. I did too much. And here’s the thing most people won’t say out loud: just because your energy is up in the moment, doesn’t mean you have to use every drop of it. You do not have to go full throttle every time life gives you a little momentum. Rest isn’t just something we get when we’re falling apart—rest is part of the work. As women—especially Black women, especially women who lead, heal, build, and pour into everybody else—we have this bad habit of equating stillness with weakness. Like if we’re not "on," we're not doing enough. That mindset? It's played out. I’m currently walking through chemotherapy. I’m still coaching, still speaking, still showing up because my purpose hasn’t paused. But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to sit my fabulous self down when my body says, "Girl, that’s enough." Let this be your permission slip: you can take a break before you break down. You can be powerful and still protect your peace. You can be strong and still choose softness. Sis, don’t let the lashes fool you. Sometimes the strongest move you can make is laying all the way down. And next time you feel that energy rising, just ask yourself: "Do I need to go full out right now? Or can I save some for me?" Because this healing journey is not a sprint. It’s sacred. And you deserve to move through it with grace, wisdom, and rest on purpose. xoxo,TrevisMichelle
The second time they said cancer, I didn’t fall apart. I didn’t melt into the floor. I didn’t even cry—at least not right away. Because something in me had already been rebuilt from the first time. This time, I heard the word recurrence and something rose up in me that whispered, rebuild. I didn’t ask, "Why me?" I already knew the answer. Purpose. This isn’t just about illness. It’s about identity. It’s about what you believe when the walls cave in. It’s about who you decide to be in the middle of the storm. Right now, I’m undergoing 8-hour chemotherapy treatments. I have a port in my chest. And I’m still here, doing the work I was called to do. Coaching. Writing. Guiding. Showing up. Not out of obligation. Out of alignment. Because here’s what I know: Purpose doesn’t pause just because life gets hard. You don’t need to have it all together to be powerful. You don’t need to wait until the healing is complete to begin again. You don’t need to be perfect to be impactful. You just need to keep showing up. If you’re facing something right now—whether it’s illness, grief, heartbreak, or uncertainty—let me be the voice that reminds you: You are not your diagnosis. You are not your divorce. You are not your setback. You are still chosen. Still powerful. Still needed. You heard chaos? I heard calling. You heard cancer? I heard healed. We don’t just survive over here. We rise. xoxo, TrevisMichelle
When you're in the thick of a divorce, it can feel like your world is falling apart. The life you once knew is shifting dramatically, and it's easy to feel like you've lost your way. But here’s the truth no one tells you often enough: Divorce is not the end of your story. In fact, it can be the beginning of a thriving new chapter where you rediscover yourself, your passions, and your strength. Divorce is the closing of one door, but it also opens countless others. It’s the perfect opportunity to reflect on who you are now and who you want to become. So, how do you go from feeling broken to living a life of abundance and joy? Here are a few things to keep in mind as you step into this new season of life: 1. Redefine Your Identity Outside of Marriage During marriage, it’s common for couples to blur the lines of their individual identities. When the relationship ends, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. But here’s the thing—you haven’t. You’re still you, and now is the perfect time to rediscover who you are outside of the roles of spouse and partner. Take time to explore what excites you, what you’re passionate about, and what brings you joy. Maybe it’s a hobby you put on the backburner or a career goal you haven’t pursued yet. Whatever it is, divorce provides the freedom to chase your own dreams and redefine your sense of self. This is your chance to create an identity that’s authentically you. 2. Embrace the Freedom to Craft a Life You Love Divorce can be daunting, but it also brings with it the opportunity to make choices that are solely for you. No longer do you need to compromise your desires for the sake of a relationship. Whether it’s choosing where to live, what to spend your time on, or who to surround yourself with, the freedom that comes with being single is a gift. Start small—make a list of things you want to do now that you’re in control of your own destiny. Is there a place you’ve always wanted to travel to? A skill you’ve always wanted to learn? Embrace the freedom to make decisions that are aligned with your values and aspirations. This is your time to design a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment. 3. Prioritize Your Health and Well-being Divorce is emotionally and physically taxing, which is why it’s essential to make your well-being a top priority as you rebuild your life. Invest in yourself by focusing on your health—whether that’s getting physically active, eating well, or seeking therapy. Prioritize self-care, because the stronger you feel within yourself, the more capable you’ll be of navigating the challenges ahead. Remember that healing is a process. Some days will be harder than others, but as you invest in your health, you’ll notice your resilience and energy returning. This will fuel you as you move forward and thrive in this next chapter. 4. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences One of the most powerful things you can do after a divorce is to create a community of people who uplift and support you. This is not the time to isolate or engage with toxic relationships that drain your energy. Seek out friends, mentors, and coaches who understand your journey and encourage you to grow. Surround yourself with people who see your potential and push you toward your highest self. Remember, divorce is not an ending—it’s a new beginning.
Divorce is often one of the most emotionally and legally complex experiences anyone can go through. It can feel like an endless maze of paperwork, negotiations, and emotional turmoil. But with the right strategies, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and emerge stronger on the other side. As a divorce strategist, my goal is to help you streamline the process so that you can focus on healing emotionally while securing your legal and financial future. Here are three powerful strategies that will guide you through the legal and emotional aspects of divorce. 1. Understand Your Legal Rights and Options Knowledge is power. One of the most important steps in navigating a divorce is understanding your legal rights and the options available to you. Whether you’re handling the divorce amicably or facing a more contentious separation, knowing the ins and outs of your situation can give you a significant advantage. Start by consulting with a family law attorney who specializes in divorce. You’ll need someone who can explain how divorce works in your state, what assets you’re entitled to, and how custody or visitation arrangements will be handled if children are involved. While your emotions may be running high, focusing on the facts and your rights can provide clarity and prevent you from making decisions based purely on how you feel in the moment. 2. Protect Your Mental Health with Healthy Boundaries Divorce doesn’t just end a legal contract; it also brings up deep emotional wounds, even when the decision is mutual. To navigate this emotional terrain with grace, it's essential to protect your mental health through setting boundaries. Boundaries are the guardrails that help you maintain your peace and sanity during this time. Whether it’s limiting how much contact you have with your ex-partner or setting clear boundaries with well-meaning family and friends, protecting your mental health is crucial. Establish clear expectations about how you’ll communicate and what topics are off-limits. If needed, consider working with a therapist to help you process your emotions and develop coping mechanisms that allow you to navigate the emotional ups and downs without losing yourself. 3. Get Your Financial Affairs in Order Divorce often means financial upheaval, but with the right approach, you can secure a stable future. Start by gathering all necessary financial documents, including bank statements, tax returns, loan agreements, and property deeds. Knowing your financial standing will make negotiations smoother and prevent unpleasant surprises down the line. You’ll also need to consider whether you’ll seek alimony or child support, how you’ll divide shared assets, and whether you’ll need to re-enter the workforce or increase your earnings. If you’re unsure about the financial landscape, a financial planner who specializes in divorce can be an invaluable resource, helping you understand how to create a post-divorce budget, plan for retirement, and ensure your long-term financial well-being.
Divorce can shake even the strongest of us to our core. It disrupts not only our relationship but also our sense of self. When you’ve spent years defining yourself as part of a partnership, finding your identity after that partnership ends can feel overwhelming. But here’s the truth—divorce doesn’t have to be the end of your confidence; it can be the beginning of a powerful journey to reclaim and rebuild it. Let’s dive into five steps that can help you step into your power and rebuild your confidence, even when it feels like your world has been turned upside down. 1. Reclaim Your Voice In any relationship, especially long-term ones, it’s easy to lose a bit of yourself as you merge your life with another. After divorce, it’s crucial to take time to reconnect with your own voice. Who are you when no one else is influencing your decisions? Begin journaling about your dreams, goals, and desires—no one else’s. Use this time to rediscover the things that bring you joy, passion, and purpose. Your voice is a powerful tool, and when you reclaim it, you take the first step toward restoring your confidence. 2. Surround Yourself with Supportive People One of the most empowering things you can do is create a strong, uplifting support system. Seek out people who lift you up, who remind you of your strengths, and who encourage you to step boldly into the next chapter of your life. Whether it’s friends, family, or even a coach who’s walked this path before, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. These people will not only support you emotionally but help you stay focused on rebuilding your sense of self. 3. Take Control of Your Finances Financial independence can be a huge confidence booster after a divorce. Often, financial dynamics can be complicated within a marriage, and divorce may leave you feeling uncertain about money. Now is the perfect time to educate yourself about your finances and take full control of your financial future. Create a budget, speak to a financial advisor if necessary, and set financial goals that align with the life you want to live post-divorce. When you’re in control of your money, you’re in control of your future. 4. Invest in Your Physical and Mental Well-being Taking care of your body and mind should be a top priority during this time of healing. Physical activity can boost endorphins, reduce stress, and improve your mood, while meditation or therapy can help you process the emotional complexities of divorce. Remember, confidence starts from within, and when you nurture your mental and physical health, you’re laying the foundation for a resilient and confident future. 5. Embrace New Experiences Now is the perfect time to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things. Whether it’s traveling to a new place, picking up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or diving into a new career path, embracing new experiences allows you to expand your sense of self and build your confidence in unfamiliar territory. Each new experience you conquer proves to yourself just how capable you are. Divorce is not the end—it’s the start of something new, something empowering. As you work to rebuild your confidence, remember that this is your journey. Trust the process, invest in yourself, and most importantly, know that you are worthy of a life filled with confidence and joy. You’ve got this!
Learn how to successfully co-parent and communicate effectively in this TrevisMichelle article. This is the best way to do it for your family when going through a divorce.
Divorce Tips & Strategies for Stay-at-Home Moms Going through a divorce? It's tough, no doubt about it. But for stay-at-home moms, it can feel like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops. You see, many moms who've poured their hearts into raising kids and running the household suddenly find themselves in a whole new ballgame when divorce comes knocking. Financial worries can keep you up at night, especially if you've relied on your spouse's income. And let's not even get started on the emotional rollercoaster. It's not just a breakup; it's like your whole life gets reshuffled, and it's even more complicated when children and pets are in the mix. But here's the good news: In this article, we're going to chat about some tips and strategies made just for moms like you. We want to help you not just survive but thrive during this wild ride called divorce. We'll cover everything from finding the right legal team early on to keeping your kids' emotional well-being in check. It's like having a roadmap to navigate this challenging chapter of your life with a little more ease and confidence. So, let's dive in and make this transition as smooth as possible! Understanding Your Rights and Finances Seek Legal Counsel Early You know, one of the first big steps to take when you're starting down the road of divorce is to reach out to a seasoned divorce attorney. This move can be a game-changer because these attorneys are like your trusty guides through the legal maze. They not only give you the lowdown on your legal rights but also break down all the tricky bits of the divorce process. And let's not forget, they're pros at helping you figure out who gets what and how to handle child custody issues. Having a divorce attorney by your side is like having a reliable GPS for your divorce journey – they'll steer you in the right direction and make sure you're well-prepared to protect both your own interests and those of your children. Financial Assessment A comprehensive financial assessment is an essential step for stay-at-home moms embarking on the divorce journey. It involves a thorough examination of your financial landscape, encompassing assets, debts, and monthly expenses. This meticulous evaluation serves as the foundation for critical negotiations during the divorce proceedings, including discussions on spousal support, child support, and the equitable division of property. By gaining a clear understanding of your financial situation, you can better advocate for your interests and secure a stable future for both yourself and your children. Oh yeah, don’t forget to work on a budget for your monthly expenses. This will give you and the attorney a clear picture of your financial needs. Open Individual Bank Accounts It is imperative if you haven't already done so, to take the step to open a bank account in your own name. This action is pivotal in securing your financial independence both during and after the divorce process. By establishing your own bank account, you gain control over your finances, ensuring that you have access to funds to support yourself and your children as you navigate this challenging transition. This step not only offers you financial autonomy but also contributes to a smoother division of assets and liabilities, making the divorce proceedings more manageable and ensuring that your financial well-being remains safeguarded. Read More: 5 Crucial Factors to Consider Before Ending A Marriage Co-parenting and Child Custody Prioritize Your Children's Well-being When navigating the challenging terrain of divorce as a stay-at-home mom, it is paramount to prioritize your children's well-being above all else. In doing so, always ensure that their best interests remain at the heart of every decision you make. Strive to maintain a civil and respectful relationship with your ex-spouse, as this will contribute significantly to creating a stable and emotionally secure environment for your kids during this transitional phase of their lives. By placing their needs and emotional welfare as one of the top priorities you can help them adapt and thrive amidst the changes that divorce inevitably brings while fostering a sense of security and continuity in their lives. Create a Co-Parenting Plan Collaborating with your ex-spouse to establish a comprehensive co-parenting plan is vital for ensuring the well-being of your children during and after divorce. This plan should include detailed provisions for visitation schedules, holiday arrangements, and other critical aspects of your children's lives. By working together to create a structured framework for co-parenting, you can provide stability and consistency in your children's routines, fostering a supportive environment that prioritizes their emotional and developmental needs. This collaborative approach also helps minimize potential conflicts, allowing both parents to maintain active and healthy relationships with their children while navigating the challenges of co-parenting during and post-divorce. Emotional Well-being and Self-Care Seek Emotional Support Divorce is undeniably emotionally taxing, often leaving individuals feeling overwhelmed and in need of support. During this challenging time, it's crucial to reach out to your trusted network of friends and family (remember that some will not be supportive). Always remember to consider seeking the expertise of a therapist. Connecting with loved ones can provide a much-needed emotional lifeline, offering understanding and a listening ear. Be clear to express your needs, e.g., listening ear, etc. Keep in mind, that a therapist can offer professional guidance to help you navigate the complex emotions and decisions that come with divorce, ultimately aiding in the healing process and facilitating a smoother transition into a new chapter of your life. Self-Care Routine In the midst of the emotionally charged process of divorce, it's absolutely crucial for stay-at-home moms to prioritize self-care as a means of reducing stress and promoting their overall well-being. This involves carving out time in your daily routine to engage in activities that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment. Whether it's indulging in a favorite hobby, spending quality time with supportive friends and family, or simply relishing moments of solitude, these activities can provide a much-needed respite from the challenges of divorce. Additionally, practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment, enabling you to better cope with the uncertainties that divorce may bring. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation slow deep breathing exercises, and prayer, can be immensely effective in managing stress and anxiety. Don't underestimate the importance of prioritizing your physical and mental health during this period. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and seeking professional counseling/therapy can be vital tools in maintaining your emotional and mental well-being and resilience throughout the divorce process. Taking deliberate steps to make you a priority as well, helps you to navigate the challenges of divorce with greater ease and emerge from it as a resilient, more empowered individual. Re-entering the Workforce Update Your Resume If you're considering re-entering the workforce after dedicating time to being a stay-at-home mom, it's essential to update your resume to showcase the valuable skills and qualifications you've acquired during your domestic role. Highlighting your experience as a project manager, caregiver, organizer, multitasker, and problem solver can demonstrate your adaptability and transferable skills to potential employers. Emphasize any volunteer work, freelance projects, or courses you've undertaken to keep your skills current. By presenting a well-crafted resume that reflects your growth and capabilities, you'll increase your chances of securing a rewarding position as you embark on this new chapter of your life and career. Consider Online Courses Engaging in online courses presents a valuable opportunity to both acquire new skills and refresh existing ones, ultimately enhancing your competitiveness in the ever-evolving job market. These courses offer a convenient and flexible way to stay up-to-date with industry trends, learn cutting-edge technologies, or delve into entirely new fields. Whether you're a stay-at-home mom looking to re-enter the workforce or seeking career advancement, online courses empower you to expand your knowledge and skill set at your own pace, ultimately increasing your marketability and opening doors to exciting career opportunities. Legal and Financial Protection Protect Your Credit It's crucial to diligently monitor your credit score and take proactive measures to safeguard it during and after a divorce. Begin by closing any joint credit accounts that you may share with your former spouse to prevent any future financial entanglements that could negatively impact your credit. Additionally, consider opening new credit accounts in your name alone, as this will not only help you establish your financial independence but also provide a fresh start for your credit history. By taking these steps, you'll be better equipped to maintain a strong credit profile, which is essential for your financial stability and future endeavors. Also, change your passwords ASAP, please, and thank you! Update Legal Documents During the challenging process of divorce, it is essential for stay-at-home moms to take proactive steps to safeguard their financial future and protect their family's well-being. One crucial aspect of this is to carefully review and update all legal documents, including your will, house deed, insurance policies (car, home, health, pet) passport(s), and any other pertinent legal records, to ensure they accurately reflect your new circumstances. This meticulous attention to detail will help ensure that your assets are distributed according to your wishes, that your beneficiaries are updated, and that your loved ones are adequately protected. By taking this important step, you can navigate the complexities of divorce with greater peace of mind, knowing that your legal affairs are in order and aligned with your current situation. Conclusion Divorce is undoubtedly a challenging journey, especially for stay-at-home moms. Amidst the emotional turmoil and uncertainty, seeking legal counsel becomes paramount to understanding and protecting your rights. Equally vital is prioritizing you as first on your list, so that you can then prioritize your children who will benefit, maintaining effective co-parenting communication, to provide them with stability and support. Practicing self-care is essential. Taking time for yourself, seeking emotional support, and nurturing your physical and mental health can help you navigate the emotional toll. Lastly, securing your financial and emotional future through careful financial planning, skill development for re-entering the workforce, and updating legal documents ensures that you emerge from this difficult transition with resilience and newfound strength.
